Because the "surge" makes it sound so very exciting.

Part 1:

Here's a link to the machine we're going to be "emulating."

As per on the site, not only are those things $500.00, but they're also sold out. "What the hell do you want with a $500.00 thing that I don't even know what it does?" you may be asking. Here's the short of it: It's a sump pump used to wash dogs that sucks up the water in the bottom of a tub, water that also contains shampoo or conditioner, and pumps it back out the nozzle. So instead of squirting shampoo directly on the dog, you squirt it in the tub, the pump recycles the shampoo until you've used every last bit of soap in there, and then you let the dirty water drain out when you're done and rinse the dog. Not only are you preventing needless waste of shampoo by stuff that just falls off the dog, but you're shooting the shampoo water through the dog's coat, all the way to the skin with minimal effort.

Our shampoo/conditioner (Laser Lites) bill was approaching $40.00/month between the two dogs. Using the hydrosurge above, we've cut that down by over 1/2. Water usage has dropped too, but I guess the electricity of running a 5amp pump for a couple hours a week will make up for it. It's also cut the time necessary to bath the dogs down to 30 minutes instead of 45+. My back also thanks me.

"You're $%&#ing insane to pay $500 for a glorified sump pump!"

You're right, and I'd heard that you could put one together myself for about $150.00. I set about trying to figure out what size sump pump would work. While browsing through all of the different horsepowers of home, utility and boat (bilge) pumps, I came upon the holy grail of my suck pump searching:

The Little Giant: Water Wizard Submersible Pump

It's the same shape, horsepower and everything as the HydroSurge pump, only in fruity colors. I googled this magnificent bastard only to find it was selling new for $150! wtc, I can go down to Lowes and get the same horsepower for $40! Ebay time. Found the same pumps for $65 new on there, sweet jesus. I ended up buying mine for $40.00 + 13 shipping for a grand total of $53 bux. Unbeatable.

Now, that was the easy part. The hard part is making sure you don't electrocute yourself because you are inserting a 120V, 5Amp motor into a bathtub with water with not only you, but your best friend in it. I was told "GFCI" by a friend, but didn't know much about it (even though I'm a damn electrical engineer, you'd think they'd teach us about such things but I can calculate circuits and three-phase power shit.) So, what is GFCI and how will it keep me from getting killed?

From Wikipedia

A residual current device (RCD), or residual current circuit breaker (RCCB), is an electrical wiring device that disconnects a circuit whenever it detects that the flow of current is not balanced between the phase ("hot") conductor and the neutral conductor. The presumption is that such an imbalance may represent current leakage through the body of a person who is grounded and accidentally touching the energized part of the circuit. A shock, possibly lethal, is likely to result from these conditions; RCDs are designed to disconnect quickly enough to prevent such shocks.

In the United States and Canada, a residual current device is also known as a Ground Fault Circuit Interrupter (GFCI) or an Appliance Leakage Current Interrupter (ALCI).

So, it's the same thing that is on the end of most hairdriers and in some bathroom outlets. Unfortunately, it wasn't in my bathroom, so that'd be one of the first GFCI breakers I'd install. Cost: $5.00.

Good up to 15Amps, nice. Being a paranoid freak that I am and the fact that HydroSurge brags about having "Dual, built-in Ground Fault Circuit Interrupters," I wouldn't be out safetied by those punks. I bought this:

A Fancy extension cord with a GFCI dongle built in. I didn't need three plugs, but it was the cheapest I could find at Lowes for $25.00. That's a killer, but I wanted it nice and waterproof in the switch houseing because I might be pushing that button with wet fingers.

Speaking of wet fingers, how do you swtich on electricity while being soaked and prone to juicing yourself until the transformer outside your house blows? The other thing that HydroSurge mentioned was an "air switch." It's a transducer that uses a change in air pressure to switch a circuit on way down an air tube. Most fancy homes have these installed for the garbage disposals, but ours didn't. I ended up finding this one on Ebay for $20.

Cram all the shit into a junction box (take the internals out of course):

And get a heavy duty extension cord to come out of the box and go to the GFCI wall socket.

That takes care of the electrical parts just dandy, but what about that hose?

1 (one) Goodyear, Heavy duty hose with steel coil to prevent kinks:

2 (two) Brass quick-disconnects for each end of the hose. Not only do these allow you to take down the hose when you're done, but they allow the hose to much more easily swivel so you don't kink the hose or tip over the pump.

Solana Skyes was telling me that she's used these wonderous machines before and that the nozzle is a fancy PVC cap with holes drilled in it. I didn't figure to do that, so I just went out and bought one for about $8.00

You'll also need various screwdrivers, and Teflon tape makes sure your threads are nice and leak proof. Not that you're that worried about leaks, but it also keeps the screwed bits from unscrewing.

Next up: Part 2: Putting it together